31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 8 - Be Affectionate in Public

{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive.  Every day in the month of October I'll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe  for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}

 

Day 8 - Be affectionate to your spouse in public

While in the course of every day life, we're bound to see someone exhibiting PDA {public displays of affection}.  In movies, at the mall, or even in our neighborhoods, couples tend to show their feelings for one another.  Are you one of those couples? You should be!

Before you get confused, let me set the record straight.  I'm not advising you and your husband to step into the middle of a busy street and start groping one another.  The point is not for you to put on a show for passersby; it's to send a message to your man that you love him, wherever you are, and you're not embarrassed to show it.  

Showing affection in public can be many things like holding hands, sharing a kiss, or just standing with your arms around each others' waists.  Doing this solidifies the marital connection you have with each other.   And let's not forget one ideal location to show your love: at home in front of your kids.

I remember in my childhood seeing my parents affectionate with each other.  Dad would come home from work and Mom would be there to greet him.  Even now in my mind I can clearly see his arms encircling her waist, her arms around his neck, and them taking a moment for a kiss.  And viewing this scene, over and over again, cemented in my young brain a positive marriage relationship. 

That doesn't mean life was perfect. My parents still had arguments and issues, but my sisters and I always saw how committed they were to each other.  It set the stage for things to come.

TechDaddy and I have always shown affection for each other in front of our kids. When the kids see us snuggling on the couch during a family movie, holding hands at a Disney park, or me resting my head on TechDaddy's chest with his arms around me, they feel relaxed that their world is safe.

Whether we make out kiss, grope hug, or hold hands, we're sending a sweet reminder to them: we love each other and we're in it for the long haul no matter what.  Doing this accomplishes bonus points for parenting and marriage.  On our "parenting agenda": (1) maintain a family atmosphere where the kids feel secure; and (2) mold in their minds what a healthy marriage looks like.

It also accomplishes one very important ideal for my husband and me: be loving to each other as much as possible. Yes, it's great to set a positive example for our kids, but showing affection to each other speaks volumes!  It says "You're important to me," "I'm so happy you're mine," and "I'll love you forever."

So next time you and your man are out and about, show him some affection and let him shower you with love right back.  It will make your marriage thrive!

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Here's the rest of the series "31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive":

Day 1: Don't Forget Date Night
Day 2: Listen When Your Husband Speaks

Day 3: Turn off distractions

Day 4: Take a shower together!
Day 5: Let Him Chill  

Day 6: Tell Yourself You're Awesome! 

Day 7: Speak Nicely About Your Mate

For more 31 Days series' visit The Nester.

How a Roadtrip is Part of God's Plan

photo credit: MS Word

I am exhausted. Beaten down. Tuckered out. Completely wiped.

These past two months have done a number on me.

And my family feels the same.

Since mid-July my kids have been going gangbusters on a tough year of school subjects.  My husband has been doing double-duty as a full-time "computer guru" with a major company as well as designing new apps on the side. I've been volunteering and involved in too many different organizations and events to remember, as well as I'm homeschooling my teens.

For 12 weeks we've done these things and much more...and. we. are. toast. Burned out. Stressed.

We need relief soon or we're gonna blow. And so, to remedy our dilemma...we're taking a roadtrip!

Catz and I were already planning a trip to the Relevant conference in PA.  But my amazing family needs a vacation where the four of us can spend time with each other, not split up in a hotel.  So I'm selling our two tickets and we're all going somewhere else instead.  Together.

My family thrives on roadtrips and adventure! The last time we went away was two years ago.  Two years!  You know how people calculate dog years? For us, two years with no vacation is like 10 traveler's years. Waay too long!

The original driving plan for Catz and me was to stop along our trip and enjoy a couple of spots from Florida to Pennsylvania. But now that the whole crew is going, we're making it a little bigger. We haven't decided yet if we're taking the D.C. route to enjoy our nation's capitol {Smithsonian!!}, or going up the Blue Ridge Parkway to marvel at the mountains and fall leaves.  

But either way, the most important thing will happen: we'll be relaxed and together.  And I know that is part of God's plan.

Praying for my Son when He's gone

Last night was a first.  As I left my son at the middle school lock-in at my church, I thought about how many times I had walked away from him. Not walking down the hall or simply walking into another room.  I pondered about walking away from his dependence.

Sure, TechDaddy and I had left MrC overnight before with family. When he was little, he and his sister had stayed with one of my sister's and her crew while hubby and I enjoyed an anniversary cruise.  But this was different.

In a nutshell, after almost five years of going to the same church, we are now getting involved in the youth ministry {both middle and high school}.  So when this lock-in popped up, MrC said yes purely for the opportunity to meet new friends.

So last night rolls around and my hubby and I bring our boy.  Staying to help with dinner setup and clean up for about 50 kids {pizza!}, TechDaddy and I hung around for a couple of hours.  {Don't worry, we were in adult-mode but totally staying clear of our son.  You know, the "free-space from parents" mode.}

Then, after the kids had moved on to another activity and we had cleaned up, TechDaddy and I began our walk to the door.  Me, being a total mom, slipped over to MrC who was resting from a game of beachball volleyball.  After v e r y   q u i e t l y exchanging some "I love you"s and slipping him a buck for candy, I joined TD by the door.

And then I walked away from my son.

I didn't feel it until later, after we got home and were spending time with Catz.  But the emptiness was thick. In my home his absence was real and heavy.  No jokes or funny quips abounded.  The sound of MrC jumping onto the stair landings was missing. And in my heart the ache was visceral.

Then this morning I woke with the reminder that my son is not in my home.  And while the rest of my family slept, I walked upstairs to his room, curled up on his bed, and prayed.

My prayers covered his heart, like the ones I spoke to Papa days and weeks and months and years before today. Prayers that begged for protection, both physical and emotional.  Prayers requesting my boy be happy and safe in his new environment.  Prayers that God would guide my son through every step and stage of his life.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.    Jeremiah 29:11

But my prayers also covered me.  That my Father would shore up my heart against the ache that comes when learning to give way to my boy's growing independence.  The ache that hurts longer and deeper than those birth pains from over 13 years ago.

My boy is home now, happily snacking and laughing with the rest of us as we watch a movie all huddled up on one couch. And though I feel a twinge of what is to come as I continue to hand over more and more independence, I feel content in knowing that my Father's hand is guiding my precious son and that all of my prayers are heard and stored away in the heart of the One who loves my boy more than I ever could.

Time and Chocolate

Have you looked at the calendar lately?  If you're like me, you glance at the current month's page on your laptop's calendar because that's where you live much of the time, in the "right now."  Not that I don't look ahead and dream and plan, but when my days are filled with homeschool biology lessons on efferent and afferent lymph vessels, reminding teens to fold and put away their own clothes, and doctor's appointments that take for.ev.er to get to because they must be located in Timbuktu, the brain things in my head revolve around this week alone.

So imagine the dumbfounded expression on my face when I saw an ad for Mother's Day recently.  And the fact that it is in less than two weeks.  In case you're having a hard time imagining this look let me help.  My brow is furrowed, my mouth is open, and I'm uttering some sort of gibberish which clearly shows my inability to speak anything that resembles intelligible words.

Less than two weeks?! How can this be when I haven't even finished my kids Easter candy yet?  I'm used to there being at least a month between celebrating the resurrection of Jesus and the honoring of moms.  A whole month.  Just enough time to purge the massive amounts of candy that is being consumed from Easter baskets, the chocolate that is now coursing through my body and making me giddy {from lack of sleep, no doubt...cocoa-laced caffeine will do that}. 

But no matter how surprised I am at my lack of calendar reading, the fact remains that moms everywhere are going to get some props real soon.  Are you ready?  How do you celebrate Mother's Day?  I remember my dad taking my mom, her mom, and all four of us girls {or whoever was still living at home} out to brunch at some restaurant in Miami.  From what I remember, it was fancy and I had to dress up.  Bummer.  Dressing up wasn't the problem really, as I loved wearing something pretty {all girls do}.  It was having to wear something with lace on it that inevitably was near my face or neck and made me itch.  Yep, that was a fun afternoon.

These days my idea of dressing up is wearing one of my fave tee-shirts and a cute skirt.  With hoop earrings and sandals, of course.  Because the whole ensemble would just not be complete without the earrings, okay? Good.

You're in luck as one of my fave tee-shirt companies is having a great big awesome deal right now!  Wild Olive Tees is having a special where shipping is only $1.99 right now through May 1st.  Just a buck ninety-nine shipping, people!  And their tees are so fabulous. In fact, I wrote about how great they are here and here {psst! go check what I wrote...I'll wait}.  So go get one already! Your mom {or you} will loovve one of these tees and a box of chocolates for Mother's Day.  {But to hold you over until May 8th, keep the Easter candy real close.  You know, just to be safe.}

52 hearts: How someone connected with my family

Today, instead of sharing how I made connections with others, I want to give you a bit of my story and a connection that was made with my family.  Maybe it will inspire you in your walk somehow.

When I gave birth to my first baby over 15 years ago, my parents were ecstatic.  They already had three grandsons from one of my sisters and were overjoyed to have a little girl to dote on again.  Well, two weeks after Catz arrived we learned that my dad had pancreatic cancer.  We knew the prognosis for this specific disease, but we prayed for healing all the same.  A year later, at the age of 60 and on Mother's Day weekend, my daddy moved to heaven.  We were thankful he knew Jesus and there would be no more suffering for him, but ultimately we were heartbroken.

All I could think about were the missed hugs and fun times my kids would never have since my dad was gone.  My mom more than made up for the hugs and fun, but a grandpa is different and I missed that for the kids.

But eventually my eldest brother-in-law, Roger, took on that role.  Eighteen years older than TechDaddy and me, Roger became a close friend to my husband and sort of a father figure for me.  But what really made an impact was his relationship with my kids, Catz and MrC. 

He was their uncle, but Roger became like the grandfather they never knew.  Though he lived over an hour away, Roger would sometimes stop by our house out of the blue.  To deliver a birthday gift or just to say hi, he really made a difference.  But in the fall of 2008, at the age of 58, Roger went home to be with God after a massive heart attack.  This time all four of us were devastated.  We all felt his loss deeply and still do.

Last year I had often prayed that God would provide a man to fill that gap with my kids.  Not someone who would be exactly like my dad or my brother, but a man who could share a little bit of that grandfather-like wisdom with them.  I stopped praying for that, deciding that God would grow my kids the way He intends, that we didn't need someone like that.

And then we met Ray.  This past February our church started a food pantry to help supply the needs of several large food banks in the area.  My kids and I joined the ministry and met Ray, the leader.  Over the next couple of weeks we got to know Ray as we stocked food items at the church.  He and his wife are the sweetest people!  As retired parents and grandparents with family living nearby, they already had their hands pretty full.  

But knowing a little of our story, and that my kids don't have a grandpa, Ray made a huge gesture one day in an email: he wanted to become the honorary grandfather to Catz and MrC.  Wow.  I was stunned but in a good way.  After talking it over with TechDaddy, and making it clear to Ray that we had no expectations, we happily accepted.

Since then we have felt so blessed.  Ray has sent birthday cards with a cool button to each of the kids as well as Easter cards.  When he sees them after church he gives them each a peppermint {my grandpa used to give me mints, too}.  And every time Ray's around he gives them a hug and tells them that he loves them.  Gee, makes me misty-eyed just remembering.

Isn't that so cool?  You see, connections can be made in any number of ways.  What ways has someone connected with you that made a positive impact on your life?  What connections have you made?          

Counting Down

Today I was told that my nephew and his wife -- my niece-in-love -- are going to have a baby!  With that wonderful news came a certain realization for my husband and I.  I quickly texted the expectant parents saying,"When the baby arrives we will be a Great-Aunt and a Great-Uncle!"

When my wise 14yo, Catz, heard what I posted, she asked a pertinent question. "Since my cousin is pregnant, aren't you already a Great-Aunt?"

Hmmm.  Good question.  I had to quickly think about that one.

When do a couple actually become parents? When the baby is born?  When they feel the baby's first kick from inside the mother's womb?  Or when the pregnancy test stick shows the outcome to be positive?

I think that in our culture we are so used to referring to a young baby in utero as an embryo, and then an older baby in utero as a fetus, that we miss the boat entirely.  With terms like that I can see how some women are mistakenly convinced that what's in them is not actually a baby, but some kind of mistake to dispose of.  How heartbreaking for them.

While a sweet baby grows in the womb, the couple is not actually "parenting" anyone at that time. I mean, there's no "Eat your peas," or "Please take out the garbage...now."  But wouldn't you consider them to be parents?

As parents, my husband and I take our kids to the doctor for checkups.  An expectant mom and dad do the same, though mom has a much more convenient way of carrying her child.  As a parent, I make sure my kids are eating healthy...with the occasional candy bar.  A pregnant mom eats carefully, making sure she's getting the right nutrition for her baby... with the occasional pint of Ben & Jerry's. ;)

But in reality, we parent as soon as we know we are blessed with new life.  There's no confusion as to what may arrive after 9 months.  It's not like the doctor is going to say "Oh look, you had a puppy. I guess you're not going to be parents after all."

So tomorrow I'll be calling my nephew and niece-in-love to make sure I state the obvious: I am a Great-Aunt!  And, as I will also say to them, I'm excited to be the youngest and best-lookin' Great-Aunt their baby has!