Once Upon a Muffin

October 9, 2011

31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 9 - Love His People

{Hey there! Thanks for stopping by to follow my new series 31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive. Every day in the month of October I'll be giving you tips and tricks on how to make your marriage spectacular. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @LilbearMe for more #31dmymt, and check the bottom of this post for the beginning posts of this series!}

Day 9 - Love his people.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "When you marry someone you also marry their family." I, for one, do not agree with that quote. Well, not entirely. While you didn't actually marry your husband's parents and siblings and Great Aunt Bertha, you did take on the role as a member of his now-extended family. And with that comes a certain level of responsibility.

Now that you're married there is no more "his family" and "her family." The two of you {and any kids you add to the mix} are your own family. But let's not forget where your hubby came from or who raised him.

Whether you adore your mother-in-law or think she's one broom flight away from someone dropping a house on her {sans the Flying Monkeys}, making a good relationship between you two is essential. She did, after all, have something to do with the raising of your man. When he was little she probably kissed his cheek when he skinned his knees, stayed up all night when he had a fever, and baked his favorite cookies. She loves him, too.

Even if you live on the other side of the planet from her {or any other extended family members}, try keeping in contact through an occasional email or a card. Remember her on her birthday and Mother's Day by sending her flowers {and reminding hubby to give her a call}. She'll love the thought -- and if she's wise she'll realize your heart is in it, too.

Besides, when you show love to your in-laws it will silently encourage your man to get along with his in-laws {your people}, too. And when everyone is getting along {or trying to at least} it makes for better relationships all around, and that makes your marriage thrive!

How do you make your in-law relationships work?

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Here's the rest of the series "31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive":

Day 1: Don't Forget Date Night
Day 2: Listen When Your Husband Speaks

Day 3: Turn off distractions

Day 4: Take a shower together!
Day 5: Let Him Chill

Day 6: Tell Yourself You're Awesome!

Day 7: Speak Nicely About Your Mate

Day 8 : Be Affectionate in Public

For more 31 Days series' visit The Nester.

October 8, 2011

31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 8 - Be Affectionate in Public

Day 8 - Be affectionate to your spouse in public

While in the course of every day life, we're bound to see someone exhibiting PDA {public displays of affection}. In movies, at the mall, or even in our neighborhoods, couples tend to show their feelings for one another. Are you one of those couples? You should be!

Before you get confused, let me set the record straight. I'm not advising you and your husband to step into the middle of a busy street and start groping one another. The point is not for you to put on a show for passersby; it's to send a message to your man that you love him, wherever you are, and you're not embarrassed to show it.

Showing affection in public can be many things like holding hands, sharing a kiss, or just standing with your arms around each others' waists. Doing this solidifies the marital connection you have with each other. And let's not forget one ideal location to show your love: at home in front of your kids.

I remember in my childhood seeing my parents affectionate with each other. Dad would come home from work and Mom would be there to greet him. Even now in my mind I can clearly see his arms encircling her waist, her arms around his neck, and them taking a moment for a kiss. And viewing this scene, over and over again, cemented in my young brain a positive marriage relationship.

That doesn't mean life was perfect. My parents still had arguments and issues, but my sisters and I always saw how committed they were to each other. It set the stage for things to come.

TechDaddy and I have always shown affection for each other in front of our kids. When the kids see us snuggling on the couch during a family movie, holding hands at a Disney park, or me resting my head on TechDaddy's chest with his arms around me, they feel relaxed that their world is safe.

Whether we ~~make out~~ kiss, ~~grope~~ hug, or hold hands, we're sending a sweet reminder to them: we love each other and we're in it for the long haul no matter what. Doing this accomplishes bonus points for parenting and marriage. On our "parenting agenda": (1) maintain a family atmosphere where the kids feel secure; and (2) mold in their minds what a healthy marriage looks like.

It also accomplishes one very important ideal for my husband and me: be loving to each other as much as possible. Yes, it's great to set a positive example for our kids, but showing affection to each other speaks volumes! It says "You're important to me," "I'm so happy you're mine," and "I'll love you forever."

So next time you and your man are out and about, show him some affection and let him shower you with love right back. It will make your marriage thrive!

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Here's the rest of the series "31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive":

Day 1: Don't Forget Date Night
Day 2: Listen When Your Husband Speaks

Day 3: Turn off distractions

Day 4: Take a shower together!
Day 5: Let Him Chill

Day 6: Tell Yourself You're Awesome!

Day 7: Speak Nicely About Your Mate

For more 31 Days series' visit The Nester.

October 7, 2011

31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 7 - Speak Nicely About Your Mate

Day 7 - Speak nicely about your mate

Yesterday's tip was all about you and lifting yourself up in your eyes and your husband's. Today I want you to focus on your man because one surefire way to boost your marriage is to speak positively about him.

Tell the truth. Don't you love it when your guy says sweet things to you? Isn't it even better when he says something great to someone else about you? If I happen to hear from another person about my husband's kind words, it makes me feel awesome! Well, the same thing goes for my man.

Do yourself a favor and always speak positively about your husband. Whether you're speaking to your neighbor, coworker, or friend those kind words will do more good than you know. He may never hear about your uplifting rhetoric, but you're still laying good, solid groundwork for your marriage.

It goes without saying, but avoiding negative conversations about your man is best. Even if he never meets some of your gal pals, just repeating derogatory things to them about him will subconsciously lower your husband in your own eyes. And by derogatory, I'm also talking about what some might refer to as "little things". Mentioning instances like "He always forgets to take out the garbage," or "My husband never helps with the kids," will just perpetuate those beliefs in your own mind and cause you to feel resentful toward him. Then you'll be caught in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts and expecting him to not follow through.

Talk about defeat! Your marriage will tank quicker than a lead fishing weight in a duck pond!

Instead of sharing your man's latest mistake -- and we ALL make mistakes -- tell your girlfriend or sister about how he replaced your old, nasty bathroom faucet with a shiny brand new one {but skip the part about him flooding the room}. Mention that he got the kids up in time for church. Explain how he woke up just to kiss you at dark o'clock as you headed out the door for an early morning run.

When you say positive words about your husband to others, in turn you'll be thinking great thoughts about him which will help you feel connected to him and he to you. And being connected with your spouse is a definite sign that you're helping to make your marriage thrive!

What kind words have you shared about your man lately?

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Here's the rest of the series "31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive":

Day 1: Don't Forget Date Night
Day 2: Listen When Your Husband Speaks

Day 3: Turn off distractions

Day 4: Take a shower together!
Day 5: Let Him Chill

Day 6: Tell Yourself You're Awesome!

For more 31 Days series' visit The Nester.

October 6, 2011

31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive: Day 6 - Tell Yourself You're Awesome!

Day 6 - Tell Yourself You're Awesome

Sometimes, in the course of a day, we might find ourselves speaking negatively about another person. Not the best situation to find oneself in, however, it happens. But ladies, do you ever find yourself saying those things about YOURSELF? Yep, me too.

I used to be prone to finding myself in front of the mirror, lamenting in my head about the size of my backside, how flat my hair looks, or the fine lines around my eyes. Away from the mirror was worse. I'd drift off to sleep, pondering a discussion or article I read about the perfect wife or best mother, and I'd pick at myself mentally. Even worse, I would speak these thoughts out loud and TO MY HUSBAND!

Now, if you think that's no big deal, consider this: what you say over and over again, silently or out loud, becomes cemented in your head and your heart...and potentially in anyone else who's listening.

Just like when you'd study for a test in school, you would inevitably repeat the facts from your history class or chem lab over and over until you had them memorized. Well, that's exactly what you are doing every time you speak words about yourself, negative or positive.

And here's the kicker: when we continually say cutting things about ourselves to our man, like "I'm getting so fat" or "I'm such a lousy cook," that's just like saying "I'm no good. No one should want to be with me." That's definitely NOT the message we want to send, right?

And please, oh please, when he does say something sweet about how you look, don't give him a frown and say "No I don't" or "I look good?! In this?! You need to get your eyes checked." That will just drive a wedge between you.

Instead of the junk, speak positive, uplifting words about yourself. When you look in the mirror, smile and give thanks for the hair God blessed you with, the health of your body, and the opportunity to greet another day. Say positive things about yourself to your man like "I think these jeans make my behind look cute, don't you think so, Honey?" or "I love the way this soup/spaghetti/casserole came out. It tastes amazing!"

When you give yourself props {without being boastful} your husband will follow suit, if he isn't already. And when he compliments the way you're styling your hair, how great the tuna tastes, or how hot you look, agree with him!

Let your positive self-esteem shine! Saying words of life will help your marriage to thrive!

Do you speak positive words about yourself?

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Here's the rest of the series "31 Days to Make Your Marriage Thrive":

Day 1: Don't Forget Date Night
Day 2: Listen When Your Husband Speaks

Day 3: Turn off distractions

Day 4: Take a shower together!
Day 5: Let Him Chill

For more 31 Days series' visit The Nester.