When struggle turns to trust

photo credit: MS Word

I've been bitten by the running bug and can't seem to shake it.  No, I'm not a runner.  Walking at a quick pace is about as fast as I move most of the time, except in emergencies {like racing to the freezer for a pint of Peanut Butter Cup before TechDaddy fast-forward's through the DVR's commercials}.  I can strength train, walk briskly, mountain climb, and swim like a dolphin, but running is new to me.  I know how, I just chose to never do it for fun.

But then this idea sprang into my brain last February.  The Disney Princess Half-marathon.  Have you heard of it?   It's where crowds of women gather in February at dark 'o'clock in the morning in running gear {tutus and tiaras} to race through Disney's Magic Kingdom and EPCOT.  Let's see...crowds, early AM, running...this didn't sound fun to me so I cataloged it under the brain-file "Silly Notions - dump asap." 

But this running thing hasn't gone away.  I've been struggling with it for months. It just keeps popping up like a lone daisy in a field of green grass.  It's pretty, but it doesn't belong there.

So I've really been questioning this idea.  Why would I want to run?  Why would God want me to run?

Because I do feel that God is in on this scheme.  Why else would visions of running shoes on asphalt circulate within all the brain things that go on in my head? 

Then a few weeks ago, when I read about some bloggers who ran to raise funds for Compassion International, I saw a reason to run.  Saving kids from heartbreaking circumstances is big for me.  Poverty, slavery, trafficking...I can't sit by and do nothing.  But running?  Is this how God wants me to help?

I've actually been shoving it to the back of my mind, trying to forget it, but this running idea keeps dogging me so I finally confronted the thought.  Okay, if this is in my head then let's deal with it now and be done with it.  If God wants me to run {for whatever reason} then He'll make a way, right?  So I asked some "running experts" {new twitter friends} if they thought it would be possible for me to learn and train in time.  I mean, I have NO running skills and the race is 8 months away.  I didn't see any way to get in excellent shape by then and just waited for confirmation of my own subjective opinion, ready to dump the whole running gig.

But God surprised me instead. 

Check out this timeline of my day yesterday {Tuesday}.

10:30 am - Four bloggers tweeted encouragement and advice on running.

11:45      - Two bloggers tweeted they were planning to run the same race.

2:40 pm  - Driving home from an appointment, I saw this bumper sticker on the car in front of me:  Run.

3:55   - At the chiropractor for my weekly adjustment, I read about an upcoming 5K to stop human trafficking.  And my chiro is a runner.

4:15   - Leaving the chiro, we passed the gas station on the corner.  The station's name? Marathon

Pretty cool, right? 

So I'm feeling this pull to start training to run, and I think I know why, but not entirely sure. Am I supposed to get in better shape and that's it?  I can walk miles on the treadmill and bench weights for that.  Is it for another reason?  I don't know.  

It feels like a colossal struggle to me, but maybe this is my Father's way of getting to my stubborn heart.  I always want to know why, always need to know the reason first.  But God doesn't roll like that.  Why can't I just submit to Him everyday, in every way?  Why do I struggle with Him in my daily morning habits, in my parenting?  I think it's all about trust.

When I trust Him, I don't need to know why something is a certain way, even though I might really want to.  With trust, I show God how much I love Him and that I put it all in His hands.  But when I forget to trust, that's when I struggle.

So I'm going to put it in His hands...training to run, parenting issues, everything...and see what He has planned.  I may not know the reasons for everything, but I trust Him to know and lead me.

So what would you do? Are you trusting God to handle everything in your life?